Ask Valentina [Part 3]
When you enter the industry, how are you trained?
I went to New Zealand's Prostitute Collective - we are taught how to have safe sex. That's it. Any kind of technique is through your own personal experiences, research and if you work with other escorts, they will give you other tips. We are not given tutorials on how to give a BJ or the best positions etc. We are all unique. Your experience will differ greatly between escorts.
I'm thinking of becoming an escort, do you have any advice?
- 80% of business is from 20% of clients.
- Not every client is going to be physically attracted to you and that's okay. I've been written off countless times on the basis of my skin colour/race. I've sat behind the receptionist at my former agency and listened to clients reject me as soon as my ethnicity is mentioned. Everyone has a preference, don't let it get to you. You do not want clients who aren't attracted to you anyway.
- Find out what is unique about you and capitalise on it.
- If you feel uncomfortable, don't see that client again. You can reject clients for any reason you want - it's in the law.
- Learn some form of martial arts, it gives you confidence.
- How much you want to be paid is how much you should to save. Saving your money is paying yourself.
- Some clients will try to find you in real life, don't help them find the information they need by talking too much. Move the conversation to current events and books. It's difficult to find someone based on the fact that they like Harry Potter.
- Be careful of what questions you ask as you might not like the answer to it. Some clients have traumatic histories. Pointing out a scar, a bump or behavioural oddity can bring it to the surface. I've had many clients who are in cancer remission, had life saving surgeries, had scars from being abused as a child etc. If you touched on a sore subject, tell them a stupid joke. They will either laugh at your joke or laugh at your stupidity - the point is that they are laughing!
- If you have pale skin or an iron deficiency, keep arnica oil on hand to get rid of bruising.
Do you ever feel degraded by your job?
All events are neutral, it is our perspective that prescribes a value to it. Sex in itself is not inherently degrading or empowering. It is the way the person treats you and how you feel about it. I only see clients I enjoy and I only do things I enjoy with them. I don't have to do anything, I choose to. So no, definitely not.
I think the most commonly degrading behaviour I experience is being asked for discounts. I block without replying. If you think I'm worth seeing, you will pay the rate and acknowledge sharing my body is a valuable and intimate experience. If not, please book someone else. There are literally thousands of escorts up and down the country!
On the most extreme side? Being asked for services without a condom. Ew.
I don't have any clients that are what you would consider overtly rude. Other than those things, everybody is extremely respectful :)
are you sure you don't like fingering?
can you make an exception for me? i'm really good at it!
Reasons why I don't offer it:
- I find it painful. Even if it feels good in the moment, I will be limping after my time with you and have to cancel bookings. The aftermath really hurts me. I don't do anything that can injure me.
- It's a health hazard. Even if you trim your nails, I run the risk of being scratched and possibly bleeding. I do not work with any wounds that would put me at the risk of catching an STI.
I texted you and you never replied, why?
After two hours have elapsed, I will not reply to your text for discretionary reasons. After two hours, you could be with family, friends or have left your phone unattended for someone else to see. This can be problematic as I regularly have two hour bookings and will not use my phone. Try again or tell me I can reply at any time.
The best time to ask me questions is the morning of my work day.
The best time to book is the morning of (8am). You generally have a wider range of time options to choose from than enquiring at 1pm.
The fastest way to book is through online booking as I am not always available to take your call.
What do you wish clients would stop doing?
Tonguing my ear drum! There's a difference between licking my ear and trying to reach my ear drum. If you're into ears and want to be on the safe side, go for soft nibbles on my ear lobe.
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST CLIENT PET PEEVE?
Arriving late without telling me :(
I start mentally preparing for doing other things so I'm not as enthusiastic when you arrive! It takes 10 seconds to send me a text. Surely I'm worth 10 seconds of consideration! At the point I start "evaluating" you during a booking whether I should see you again or not. I feel disrespected. I'm very much into polite and thoughtful gentlemen.
Valentina! Throw me a random sex tip!
Some people are naturally silent during sex. Watch the way the breathe. If you're going down at someone, watch their bellybutton and the way it rises and falls. You're watching for quick, shallow breathing (hopefully, if you're doing it right!)
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ASSAULTED WHILE ON THE JOB?
Yes, 3 years ago when I first joined the industry. I had a 4 month stint at an agency. I remember being bitten hard, clients purposefully leaving marks (hickeys are a no no), being photographed and later restrained for taking his phone off him. I'm not sure why the Police weren't called but I definitely will now. My building has amazing security and the Police Station is a few minutes walk away.
The worst client I've ever had was a Kiwi in the South Island. He became intoxicated over a weekend booking and I refused consent as I normally do to anyone who is under the influence of drugs. He then threatened me to force consent. When I told my manager she gave him an earful!
I cut myself shaving, can I still see you?
Where did you cut yourself? Anything in the lips or genital area is a health risk to both of us. You should cancel your booking!
I hope this was helpful.
Time to get ready for work