15 safer sex rules no one ever taught you
If you're like most people, the only sex education you ever received was from your high school health class. And let's be honest—that class didn't teach you everything you need to know about safer sex. So today, we're going to fill in some of the gaps by sharing safer sex rules that no one ever taught you. Keep these tips in mind next time you're getting down and dirty.
1) Be open and honest with your partners about what you want and don't want sexually
If you're about to get sexually intimate with someone, it's important to be open and honest about what you want and don't want. After all, sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties. So, if there's something you're not comfortable with, be sure to speak up. You don’t have to have penetrative sex or even kiss if you don’t feel ready, there are always other intimate things you can do.
On the flip side, if there's something you're really looking forward to trying, let your partner know. Communication is key, but it's especially important when it comes to sex. By being clear about your desires, you can help ensure that everyone has a good time.
2) Avoid brushing your teeth right before sex
While it may seem like a good idea to brush your teeth or floss before sex, it can actually do more harm than good. Brushing or flossing can cause small cuts in your mouth or make your gums bleed—not sexy! If you are going to brush your teeth, wait three hours before engaging in sexy activities.
Mouthwash is a better option, as it will clean your mouth and kill bacteria without damaging the gums. Just be sure to swish it around for at least 30 seconds before spitting it out. And don't rinse with water afterwards; the mouthwash will continue to work even after you've spit it out. By rinsing with water, you'll only dilute its benefits.
3) Refrain from sex if you have any shaving cuts or sores around your groin
Condoms don’t protect the skin around your groin, where your partner's bodily fluids can easily come into contact. Open wounds increase the risk of infection, whether bacterial or sexually transmitted.
So, if you want to play it safe, trim your pubic hair instead of shaving it completely off - that way, you can avoid any accidental cuts.
4) Always make sure your partner is sufficiently wet or lubed up before fingering
Penetration without lubrication can cause microtears, which make it more likely that your partner can pick up a yeast or bacterial infection from your hands. If you’re creating microtears during foreplay, it can also cause penetrative sex later on to be painful.
If you’re not confident in the cleanliness of your hands or haven’t filed your nails down recently, you can put a condom on your finger to protect your partner and make it more enjoyable for her.
5) Don’t have sex with the lights off
Problems can be prevented by having adequate bedroom lighting:
Putting things in the wrong holes
Elbowing your partner in the head
Losing the condom
Not recognising the blatantly obvious signs of an STI or infectious skin disease
Not being able to see if your partner is uncomfortable with what’s going on
If you or your partner are self-conscious about being seen in bright light, try moving the lamp from the bedside table to the floor. This will soften the light and create a more romantic atmosphere.
6) Try out different condoms and lube before you have sex
Making sure the condom fits and that you’re not allergic to latex or lube ingredients is important for both comfort and safety.
If a condom can't roll down all the way, the condom is too small (or you’ve put it on inside out).
If it hurts to put on or have on, it's too small (or you could be allergic). Some men have inverted triangular-shaped penises: the head is significantly bigger than the base. To prevent the condom from slipping off or having cum spill out, ensure the condom is sized to the base of the penis and choose a flared condom instead of a regular one.
If the condom is slipping off, it's either too big or there's too much lubrication inside the condom and not enough on the outside.
Most escorts get their condoms supplied by the NZ Prostitute’s Collective in the sizes 49mm, 56mm and 60mm. If you fall outside of this range, it’s better to ask if you can bring your own condoms to the booking and what size you are, just in case. If she says yes, give the condoms to her before you get in the shower so she can look at the expiration date and inspect them. I personally also stock flared condoms and 64mm ones.
7) Never use oil with latex condoms
Make sure to keep your supply of lube stocked up next to your bed so you’re not tempted to wander into the kitchen to use coconut oil. When oil comes into contact with latex, it causes it to break down and deteriorate, which makes breakage during sex that much more likely.
If you want to enjoy an oil massage or want to give your partner one before penetrative sex, stick to massaging non-groin areas.
8) Avoid using lube before putting a condom on
Condoms are held on by friction and can slide off more readily if there’s lube underneath. If you’ve had a lube-y handjob prior, make sure to wipe it off and up your shaft. If you wipe down towards your pelvis and you’ve pre-cummed, your partner will come into contact with it during sex or a blowjob and they aren’t protected if you have an STI.
If you pre-cum a lot during sex, you can also run into this issue. Make sure to check on the condom regularly to make sure it stays on.
9) Watch what your hands are doing before putting the condom on
If you finger your partner and then stroke yourself, you’ve just put her bodily fluids on you. If you use condoms afterwards, you’re not using them for STI protection anymore, only to keep her from getting pregnant!
If you watch a professional escort carefully, she uses one hand for her client and one hand for herself if she’s touching bare skin. Doing it this way can prevent cross-contamination of bodily fluids, so she’s not just protecting herself if you have something, she’s also protecting you if she has something.
If a client tries to stroke himself without a condom on, I coyly tell him, "that's my job" and block his hand. What I'm really doing is making sure his hands are clean so that during sex, he is free to touch me or the outside of the condom as much as he wants. I can't let a client play with himself and then play with me or touch my face.
10) If you know you pre-cum a lot, put a condom on ASAP
Sex is less safe for your partner if your pre-cum goes everywhere before she has a chance to put the condom on. Additionally, it could lubricate the base of your shaft, which makes it easier for the condom to slide off.
If an escort gets pre-cum on both of her hands before putting the condom on, she can’t touch her eyes, mouth, herself, or the outside of the condom. She has to get up and wash it off to avoid potentially getting an STI.
11) If you put the condom on the wrong way, throw it out
If you're putting a condom on for the first time, it's important to check which way it rolls down before you put it on. To do this, hold onto the edges of the condom and push your thumbs through. If the condom rolls down easily, then it's on the right way. However, if you have to force it or it feels tight, then it's on inside out and you should throw it away and start again. Flipping a condom over and reusing it can transfer STIs, so it's not worth taking the risk.
If you're not sure which way the condom goes, don't hesitate to ask for help from your partner. With a little practice, you'll be a pro in no time!
12) Be able to see or touch the condom at all times.
Periodically check to make sure the condom is still on or rolled down fully, so that you don't have to worry about any surprises. You can either look down to ensure it's still in place or, if you're in a position where it's difficult to see, discreetly touch to ensure it hasn't shifted.This way, you can be confident that you and your partner are protected at all times.
13) Hold the base of the condom when you pull out
When you're finished, there's one very important thing to remember: hold the base of the condom as you pull out. Your cum will lubricate the inside of the condom, so holding it at the base will help prevent it from slipping off.
14) Pull out before you go soft
Ignore the urge to stay inside until you go completely soft, even if you hold the base. When you pull out, you may take the condom with you, but everything will spill out. Yikes!
15) Have a quick shower in between rounds to wash cum off
Simply wiping yourself with tissues is not enough; if anything, you're just wiping yourself dry, not clean. So take a few minutes to jump in the shower and wash yourself off before round two. Your partner will appreciate how hygienic you are!
Take what you've learned here into a booking or when you're with a new partner. You'll earn major brownie points for being knowledgeable about safe sex and showing her you care about her health and yours.
